plan of salvation – Faith & Cancer

Life’s Complications

Published on June 21, 2020July 10, 2020 by JacquelineLeave a comment

Life is just full of complications. I’ve certainly had my own bunch of complications.Until the last few years, they were relegated to things like moving, finding new friends, a bout of depression, and ADD. Then a few years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Thanks to some amazing people in my life, I found my equilibrium again. Two years later, I was diagnosed with stage iv colon cancer and discovered a whole new realm of complications and trials. The two year anniversary of my first hospital stay is tomorrow. It was during that week long stay that I was diagnosed. Including that first admission, I’ve had ten hospital admissions in the last two years. I spent 12 days in rehab after my first surgery because my surgeon stretched the femoral nerve going to my right leg. I’ve had a chest tube and two liver drains. I’ve had two major surgeries and a third to come in a few years. That first surgery unexpectedly left me with a colostomy. My second surgery purposefully left me with an ileostomy. I have a risky surgery yet to come to remove a piece of ovary accidentally left behind after my second surgery. And now I have a new complication.

I have what’s called a stomal fistula. In general terms, a fistula is an abnormal connection between two body parts or between an organ and the skin. As a general rule, fistulas aren’t a good thing and aren’t fun to deal with. Some are more serious than others. Mine is from my small intestine out to the skin where my stoma meets the skin. So instead of one hole with stool coming out, I have two. It makes changing my bag a little more challenging. It makes keeping my skin there healthy a challenge. I saw an ostomy nurse last week and she confirmed for me that it is a fistula and she gave me some tips on dealing with bag changes. She also recommended seeing a colorectal surgeon about it. It remains to be seen how serious it is. I’ll be making some phone calls tomorrow to see if I can see a colorectal surgeon anytime soon. I have to see a colorectal surgeon because they are the ones who manage ostomies. So hopefully I will soon find out just how big a complication I have on my hands.

It helps me to know this life was never meant to be easy. It was meant to be a time of testing and of trial. The Plan of Salvation helps us understand the role of trials in our lives. We agreed to come to earth, be given a physical body, and be tested to see if we would still follow our Heavenly Father with our memories of before forgotten. If we followed Heavenly Father and do as He asked, we would be able to live with Him again and even become like Him. We would be able to live with our family in Heaven forever. Being on earth means we all agreed to that plan. We agreed to be tested, believing that whatever happened to us on earth would be worth the reward of living with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ again.

The fall of Adam and Eve means we’re living in a fallen state and subject to the problems inherent in mortality. Without the fall of Adam and Even though, we couldn’t have children and create families. The fall of Adam and Eve means we can feel true joy, but it also means we can feel sorrow. Without sorrow, we would never know true joy. The combination of the Fall and mortality means we are subject to sorrow and sickness and infirmities. Another part of the Plan of Salvation included giving each of us the ability to make our own choices. Sometimes our choices hurt others, but God will not interfere in the choices of anyone.

And so life is full of complications. But each of us has our own trials and struggles to deal with. Some of those struggles are a direct result of our own decision making. Some are a result of another’s choices. And some are just a part of living in a fallen world. They aren’t anyone’s fault; they just happen. The Plan of Salvation is the answer to why bad things happen to good people. It is the answer as to why I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer at age 32.

Staying Positive Through Trial – Part 2

Published on June 2, 2020July 10, 2020 by JacquelineLeave a comment

Staying positive through adversity is also about realizing that happiness is truly in our own hands. Happiness is a choice. Can we look for the silver lining through the clouds? Remaining positive through trial is a choice. It’s not about a lack of negativity, but rather about choosing to trust in the Lord and trusting that He has it all in hand. He’ll never leave us alone. He can’t. Sometimes it feels like we are alone, but I promise you that we’re not. All we have to do is look.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times at night I begged my Heavenly Father to make things just a little easier. From that first week in the hospital when I was diagnosed all through chemo, I cried out to my Heavenly Father to make things even just a little easier. Until I was diagnosed with cancer, I truly didn’t understand what it meant when the prophets cried out to Heavenly Father. I learned that Heavenly Father won’t always move our mountains, but he will always help us climb them if we reach out to Him and ask for His help.

My knowledge of the plan of salvation is something else that got me through. I grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and went through both primary and young women’s. I’ve been learning about the plan of salvation since before I can remember. But it wasn’t until cancer that it went from an abstraction to something that could truly work in my life. The plan of salvation helps us understand the reason we are here on earth and that there is more to come when our time here on earth is done. It tells us that sickness and affliction are not permanent states of affairs. We learn that we have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who died not just for our sins, but for every pain and affliction and sickness we would face on earth. The plan of salvation gives us hope by telling us that pain and heartache and affliction are not permanent. They help us grow and their time will end. We learn we will be resurrected and our bodies will be without fault. My body will be free of cancer and genetic defect. And even if things are not alright in this life, they will be in the life to come. In addition, when compared to eternity, this life is but a small moment.

In the end, staying positive through any trial comes down to this question. Do you trust your Heavenly Father to see you through?

Staying Positive Through Trial – Part 1

Published on June 1, 2020July 10, 2020 by Jacqueline1 Comment

When I started my blog, I had a list of initial topics. However, I asked a few friends if there was anything they would like to see me talk about. One of them asked me to talk about staying positive through trials. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed the topic was perfect for my first real post.

When I tell people my story, more often than not, they are surprised at how positive I am, and how positive I stayed through my battle with cancer and treatment. In the beginning, it wasn’t a conscious decision. Over time, it certainly became that, but it didn’t start that way. I remember during my first hospital stay my parents remarking on how well I was dealing with the diagnosis. The only thing I knew for sure was that life kept going. Time didn’t stop just because I had cancer. In those initial days, all I could think was to just keep going. In fact, during those early days, I didn’t want to know the numbers and overall prognosis. I knew enough to know that stage iv cancer wasn’t good, but I didn’t want to know more than that. It took months before I was ready for that information. I learned several years ago that sometimes you just have to take things ten minutes at a time. You get through ten minutes, and then the next ten minutes and before you know it, an hour has passed. And then another an hour, and then a day and before you know it more time has passed than you thought possible.

There’s a quote I’ve always loved that I put into practice once I was diagnosed with cancer.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr

While I didn’t specifically think of that quote after I was diagnosed, I did think of my situation in terms of what I could change and what I could not. No matter what trial we are facing, we can divide it into two categories – what we can change and what we cannot. I couldn’t change that I had stage iv colon cancer. I couldn’t change that I didn’t find out I had Lynch Syndrome until I’d been diagnosed with late stage cancer. I couldn’t change that I had Lynch Syndrome. My mantra, if you like, became “it is what it is.” I couldn’t change what had already happened, but I realized I could change how I dealt with it. I could choose to be consumed by it, or I could learn to live with it. How we deal with our trials is up to us. We can choose to find help. We can choose our attitude. I promise you a positive attitude will make it easier for you and those around you. It’s not the be all answer, but it can’t hurt.

I had to learn the difference between what I could change and what I couldn’t change. I couldn’t afford to put my energy into what I couldn’t change; even before surgery and chemo, I didn’t have energy to spare. Banging my head against an immovable object wasn’t going to get me anywhere. Instead, I gave up the immovable object to God. I couldn’t do anything with it, but God could. Giving up our problems to God isn’t that easy though. It takes effort and a daily commitment. It’s not something we say we’re going to do one day, and then never make that decision again. It’s a daily decision we have to make.

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow